Season 2, Episode 8 – ‘Kirk Steele’
If there was ever some great leverage to have against your boss, it’s knowing that he has made a porno. That’s exactly the position Abbi finds herself in, after Ilana’s carefully curated self love session gets dramatically interrupted when she realises it’s Abbi’s boss Trey on the screen, in all his frosted tips glory.
Abbi tries to make a power play with her knowledge of Trey’s dirty pool toy desecrating past, and although he twice makes the generous offer of going down on her so she’ll keep quiet, he finally agrees to let Abbi teach a class instead. Abbi blasts into the room with confidence and enthusiasm, but accidently throws a kettlebell straight at the giant wall mirror. They need to come up with $700 each to cover the cost of the mirror, so Abbi heads home to crush up and snort some cereal to get some idea inspiration. Genius.
Ilana has been entrusted with the care kid named Oliver, belonging to a very rich woman. She wants to give him some life experience so that he doesn’t end up as another useless rich old white man. They ride the subway, visit Beacon’s Closet with Abbi where she attempts to earn some cash by selling her clothes, but only manages to get $20 out of the unfriendly store clerk with the giant glasses (hey Kimiko Glenn!), and Oliver also learns a valuable lesson in high heel walking.
They also try selling some of Abbi’s art on the street to make money. I didn’t realise until now that Abbi Jacobson is an actual illustrator, and the ‘celebrity favourite foods’ drawings are hers. Talented lady! I also feel an overwhelming need to own one of those.
In the end it’s Oliver who saves the day, after learning some sly tricks from Ilana he convinces his mum that her ‘out of season’ clothes would be better off going to people less fortunate than her, which in this case is Abbi. So with the bundle of designer clothes, Abbi manages to get enough cash to pay for her half of the mirror. Trey ends up letting her teach a class since the usual instructor has been missing for 48 hours. Abbi shows a few moments of appropriate concern, but is mostly overjoyed to have the opportunity.
The episode closes with a special longer look at the Kirk Steel video, serving up some early 2000s realness. Pray for the blow up killer whale.
Ilana’s porn odyssey –
‘So I started with average size penis jerk, that led me to twins squirting – hello, which then brought me to frosted tips masturbation’
Favourite bits –
‘I’m just gonna be digging up other people’s pubes til I’m a great grandmother’
Sweet, polite little Oliver calling out ‘Yaassss queeenn’ and Ilana crying proud tears.
‘There’s $300 on the counter. Let Oliver hold it, he needs to learn’
The Kirke Steele video. I would actually watch that, so creative.
‘On the one hand, the horses do get very cold in the winter. But on the other, the less fortunate probably get just as cold’
Season 2, Episode 9 – ‘Coat Check’
In this episode, Jamie gets Abbi and Ilana a coat check job at a charity event in a fancy restaurant. It seems easy enough, and Abbi gets to work charming the absolute pants off people ‘I think I saw this coat on who wore it best. Guess who wore it best? You’.
Ilana has a mystical encounter with a girl named Adele (Alia Shawkat) and finds herself incredibly attracted to her – she is yet to realise that this beautiful stranger looks EXACTLY like her. They sniff each other, make out and share a cannoli lady and the tramp style – straight up soul mates.
Being the guardian of the coats doesn’t work out so well, as Ilana has messed up the process so they don’t know whose tickets belong with which coat. While Ilana breezes away to find her mystery woman, Abbi is left to deal with the angry coat people. Kelly Ripa ends up being left without her coat, as someone else has taken it by accident. Abbi vows to get it back for her, and scores Kelly’s home address.
Following clues to find the missing coat, the girls end up interrupting an orgy at one apartment, then at the next place things get a little crazy, and by crazy I mean Abbi threatens the guy with the coat with a civil war gun. Abbi is really committed to hand delivering that coat back to Kelly Ripa.
On meeting Adele, Abbi lets Ilana know that they are basically twins, which is news to Ilana. From then on she’s weirded out by how many close similarities there are between them, even down to boob size. 28 Double H, that’s quite the cup! They start hooking up and Ilana tries to put it out of her mind, but when she sees her own face looking up from between her legs she draws the creepy line. It turns out her mystical twin doesn’t even smoke pot anyway, so see ya later Adele.
Abbi gets dressed up and brings the coat to Kelly’s giant stylish apartment, and she is welcomed in. Kelly Ripa plays a seedy, moonshine/any bottle of alcohol she can get her hands on swigging version of herself – a complete contrast to her nice gal ‘Morning Show’ image. They seem to really hit it off at first, they both love pranks and Bed, Bath & Beyond, a solid foundation for any friendship. However Abbi finds it hard to keep up with drinking upon drinking and drug taking, with bonus gift basket throwing from a very high up window. She finally decides to call it quits when the giant grizzly bear looking prostitutes arrive. Fair enough, but I feel it was a mistake for her to leave before the pizza arrived.
Fun with coats –
Abbi in a stylish trench coat – ‘Ohhhh no, I go to sleep dreaming about caffeine enemas. I have fake boobs!’
Ilana in a big man’s coat – ‘Silly Benny, get me another serving of American bald eagle and then stomp on my balls with high heels pleeease’
Favourite bits –
‘I am – the guardian of the coats’ *majestic music*
Ilana and Adele’s slow motion first sighting sequence.
‘I haven’t waxed my body in a long time, so I gotta be going’
Abbi hiding in the coats, then jumping out at Ilana and yelling ‘PRANK!’
Season 2, Episode 10 – ‘St Marks’
We’ve come to the last episode! I’m sad that there will be a while before the next lot of episodes, but it’s been such a strong and consistently funny season, it’s worth the wait.
This show is one of the best things on TV right now. It’s fresh, hilarious, original and portrays the relationship between Ilana and Abbi so well. They have an awesome friendship, and the fact that they have never relied on a fight or rivalry storyline between them stands out for me as well. I’m tired of watching/reading things where female characters are pitted against each other for whatever silly reason, just give me good old fashioned friendship and positivity.
The story for the final episode follows the girls as they head out for dinner to celebrate Ilana’s 23rd birthday, Abbi even splashes out and gets a $12.99 bottle of wine for the occasion. A young guy harasses them for money as they make their way to the restaurant, Ilana suggests that they could bring him some leftovers from their dinner, and Abbi quickly moves her along.
Once they settle into their seats to get in on some dumpling action, they realise they’re seated next to a pair of people from their past. They are the kind of loud, obnoxious people that you purposefully leave in the past. After being forced to watch a bit of the guy’s extreme performance piece, Ilana throws some wine at Abbi to give them an excuse to escape. Back out on the street, the guy that was bothering them earlier runs past and steals Abbi’s bag, which also contains Ilana’s present. They chase him accompanied by tense chase scene music through the streets, a market and a kitchen until they finally have him cornered in an alleyway. The guy has some tricks up his sleeve though, as he pulls a Spiderman and pretty much escapes by scaling a wall and then retreating into a fancy house.
Inside this house we have, in my opinion, the best cameo of the series. Patricia Clarkson plays the tired, angry and pretty drunk mother of the guy who stole Abbi’s bag. It turns out he’s actually a 34 year old college drop out who gives his mother a considerable amount of attitude, and clearly gets his kicks by pretending to be an Aladdin type ‘street rat’. She’s hosting a dinner part when Abbi and Ilana come in, and Patricia goes on a fierce tirade directed at her son ‘loser, loser, loser, loser, loser, loser, loser. Loser’. I mean, she really just rips right into him, it’s fantastic.
I really didn’t want the camera to pan away at the end of the episode, Abbi and Ilana are sitting together having one of their rambling chats and it was a really nice way to close. Their dynamic and chemistry is the core of the show, and I could seriously just sit and watch them talk about things like beanie babies and manginas for hours.
Favourite bits –
‘I love me some dumplings. It’s like a squirrel clutch with a meatball in it’
The ‘Dear Uncle’ monologue. Wow, wow, wow.
Patricia Clarkson. Seriously.
‘You know child sex trafficking is all around us. *gasps* WIGS!’
‘23 was a pretty great year for me, it’s the year I met you’